Friends Don't Let Friends Drive With Cod in Their Trousers
members.tripod.com/~angumbdo/codtrousers.html
of comprehension are slim.)
Ok, now when I said I was open to and in fact encouraged suggestions I meant that people should, oh, say, send in some suggestions, maybe. Most people took it to mean they should ignore the weird guy and hope he'd go away, though. The only person to respond was Ian, The One and Only, who was to be one of those who would go through whatever initation everyone else thought up, except that no one did. Since he's the only guy who responded I can only address the issues he brought up, right after I address some issues I'm gonna bring up, so this is gonna be a pretty boring newsletter.
First off, Hey, the ad worked! Janet, one of the two members of the Pro-Cod resistance, told me today that her Mom took our side against Cod Trouser Driving when she saw the ad at our school play. Since I'm so late in sending out this newsletter this is actually a different play than the one I put the first ad in, but it's still the same ad. See, I told you so. It's just a matter of time until we get noticed by the Coalition of Elementary Students, Little Brothers, and Assorted Parents, and then, well, just watch out!
Hey, on another note, that book I mentioned a while ago entitled "Cod: a biography of the fish that changed the world" was reviewed in the May 98 issue of the Smithsonian Magazine. See, Cod is obviously an important topic being debated in the highest echelons of prestigious literary circles, and even you, who like me probably didn't understand half the words in this sentence, can be right in the thick of it. That's the power of the Internet. Any wackos can spout their weird opinions and start organizations for people who share those weird opinios. But enough about me.
Awright, now on to Ian's Issues. First of all, I veto his motion that his position be changed to The Guy Who Laughs At People Who Can't Spell Including The Newsletter Guy bacase I cun spill us goooodd os inybudy.
He also brought to my attention yet another facet of this whole issue I hadn't yet considered, probably because I give no more thought to this issue than it takes to write these Newsletters, or about five minutes if you include fingernail maintinence time. This facet is odor. He said he had a "friend" (probably actually himself, but you didn't hear it from me.) who drives with Cod in their trousers, and would gladly kick the habit except that they can't find another fish that "smells better inside my trousers (rather than outside) that lasts for more than a few hours before rotting." First of all, I think that the very idea of having rotten fish in any part of one's garments, let alone the trousers, would be enough to discourage any poor addict. As to another fish I have no idea what fish would last longer, except that goldfish never die of natural causes (unless you're Member Mike or Sonny Boy you won't get that little reference, and all I can say is: Tim Powers is the greatest author on the planet.), but I am in no way advocate catching goldfish and putting them in your trousers. I'm not even gonna open that can of worms. (Worms, bait, catch fish? Sorry, I'm really tired.)
Ian The One and Only brought up some other issues, but most of them made even less sense than this Newsletter, so I'll leave them out.
Oh yeah, he said one other thing that bears repeating...
Actually there is one other issue that arose between the time I wrote this letter and the time I'm actually getting around to sending it, but it's totally unrelated to anything these newsletters have covered, which is saying a lot, since we've covered everything from SPAM to Cuba. Anyway, that issue is that my school now has a Literary Magazine, and it's really cool. That's about all, unless I think of something else before I finally send this thing. Until then, keep on keepin' those Cod outta yo trousers.